"Real Mom"

So a couple months ago we had a park date with Haley and Abby's biological mom (aka "tummy mom"), and literally, 1 second, if that, after closing the car door and driving away, Abby said "Mom, I already miss Momma Robin.  When I see her walk away, it's like I miss her so much in my heart."  I don't know why, but it was the first time it hit me that Carey and I are not God's best for them.  I know that we are part of His redemption plan, which is awesome, but the ideal is for children to be well loved and cared for by their biological parents.  I spent the rest of the drive home thinking about that.  I didn't feel sad, just humbled, I guess, if that makes any sense.  I am not God's best for my daughters.  I am not the ideal, original plan.  Not to say that I am not good enough, or I am not the best in this situation, because I know that this is all part of God's plan.

Side-note:  I don't think I've ever said this on my blog, but when I was 22 I started praying for twins.  That's kind of an odd thing to do, but looking back, I know that it was something the God gave to me to pray for!  Also, the week that Haley and Abby came to live with us was a week that, months earlier, I had been asked to be the speaker up at my favorite summer camp, Camp Hammer.  When I had been asked to speak, I wanted to do it so badly, but, as I prayed about it, I felt like I needed to say no.  I struggled with it a bit, because I love Camp Hammer so much, I jump at any opportunity to be there, and I couldn't see any reason why I shouldn't say yes.  But, finally I was obedient to what I felt God saying, and I turned down the offer.  It was about two weeks after our daughters came to live with us that I realized the week they came home was the same week I would have been speaking at camp if I had said yes.

Anyway, it's an emotional, scary (for me), wonderful, heart-breaking, faith-building thing to be an adoptive parent.  I love my daughters so much, but the joy that I have at them being my daughters come with a primal wound that they will always have, that I can not heal for them. 

The other day, Abby's teacher (who we LOOOOVE) told me that Abby was telling the class a story for share time and said "A long time ago, when I still lived with my tummy mommy, before I lived with my real mommy..."  I just about burst into tears when she told me that.  Not because I feel like I need to mean more to her than her bio mom, but because that's how she thinks of me...as her mom. 

As the girls have been in kindergarten, I have seen them trying to figure out who they are and how they relate to the world on their own, with out me.  It's been precious and hard at the same time, to let them (especially Haley) struggle through, and I know this is only the beginning.

I guess this post is kind of rambly and maybe boring, but it's such a big part of our life, it is our life, and it's been on my mind a lot lately.  Just tonight I asked Haley if she misses momma Robin and if she thinks about her very often.  She said no, but I wonder if that's true.   I never know the balance of bringing it up, so they know it's not a forbidden topic and that their feelings about being adopted are valid, no matter what they are, and just letting it go and let them bring it up.

Haley the day she came home to live with us

Abby the day she came home to live with us

Our adoption finalization

The girls' biological mom

How hard is it to believe that these three don't share the same genes?!

Where were we in February?

I just realized that I didn't post anything on the blog in February.  Yikes!  How will I ever remember those days if it's not recorded on the blog!  Here's a few snapshots of our lives last month!

Seth and his buddy building block towers

I don't really know why little girls love to pick each other up, but they sure do.  Haley and Abby are always trying to pick up their friends and visa versa. 

We went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium on Superbowl Sunday.

Ready for another day at school.

On our way to school

On the roller coaster at Happy Hollow

Frog Hopper...they laugh the whole time!

Bikes, Bikes, Bikes!

Our kids LOOOVE to ride bikes and do so just about every afternoon!  Our street is not a through street, and our neighbors are AWESOME at looking out for the kids, so it's pretty safe.  I should take a moment and say that we really do have the most wonderful neighbors.  When they see our "kids at play" sign out in the street, they drive so slowly and carefully, looking to make sure they can see all three of the kids!  We are so thankful for that.  Our next door neighbor is super amazing and even built our kids a bike ramp and puts out cones for them to go around...and he rides his bike with them!  I know, best neighbor ever!

Anyway, it's pretty fun to watch them all out there having fun together for a good hour or so almost every afternoon.

Today Seth learned to ride a two-wheeler.  It was really fun.  He's been wanting to so badly and he was able to get it today and was SO proud!  We knew he had the balance down because he's been riding a balance bike and doing great, but putting the balance, pedaling and steering all together is a lot.  He got it, though, and over the course of the afternoon got so much more stable and confident.  He really didn't want to come in when it was time to be done riding bikes!

Preschooler

Seth started preschool this week.  I can hardly believe it.  The craziest part to me is that when I drop him off, he looks like he belongs there; not like a baby who is totally out of place!

He loves it and the teachers were all SO excited to have him there (since they've seen him since he was a tiny baby dropping off his big sissies)!  As we walked the girls to school the morning of his first day, Haley spent the whole time telling Seth all the wonderful things about Rocking Horse Ranch.  It was so precious.  Seth told me "I'm not gonna cry.  You can cry, mom." 

So excited to go to preschool!

Ready to go!

New Traditions

I loooove traditions and today we started two new ones.  New traditions for New Years Eve! 

Every year, when Christmas is over, we wonder what to do with the gingerbread houses that we love to create.  Well, our new tradition is to smash them with bats on New Years Eve!  We put them all over the driveway, gave each of the kids a bat, and smashed away!

The little ones are the dog-houses!

The second tradition that we started is to have ice cream sundaes after dinner!  I always think that it would be so fun to make them, but haven't ever found a reason to do so.  What better reason than to end the year with such a sweet treat!

Uncle Nate spent the evening with us:)

how cute is this girl:)

Oh, Christmas!

I love so many things about Christmas time.  I love the traditions.  I love the decorating.  I love finding the perfect gift for someone I love.  I don't love feeling like we made it through something difficult once Christmas is over.  The hard part is that everything we did was really fun, making it hard to figure out what to do differently next year.  But, we definitely need to do something differently.  On Christmas afternoon Abby was sobbing, saying "I just don't like my new toys.  They're boring.  Actually, I'm just so sad for those people we met this morning (more on that later).  Actually, I just don't know why I'm crying!"  Poor thing.  It was just too much.  Which shows me that we did not actually celebrate Christmas, because I don't think that celebrating the love of our Creator and the birth of our Savior would leave any of us feeling like that.

Okay, enough of that.  Onto the "our Christmas was so fun and wonderful" part!  As usual, Christmas started on Christmas eve for us, with a wonderful morning with Carey's family.  We had a delicious breakfast, opened gifts, and went outside to play.

Being tickled by Auntie Kelly

Seth immediately took his toolbox and tools downstairs to start "working"!

Abby had so much fun playing "batting" with daddy and Auntie Kelly

Haley and Seth loved the power wheels!

Christmas Eve night our church had a worship gathering and the kids got to sing "Away In A Manger" on the stage.  Haley and Abby were so excited about it.  Seth only wanted to do it if he could drum!

Christmas morning we woke up and did stockings and then made 20 something breakfast burritos!  We went to the worship gathering with our church (since Christmas was on a Sunday this year), with the kids looking so cute in their pjs!  Seth kept saying (loudly in the middle of the service) "I don't want to do Jesus birthday.  I want to open presents"!  Sounds about right for a 3 year old!

Abby helped me make quite a few of the burritos.

 After the service we met our friends, the Hughes, downtown Santa Cruz and handed out the aforementioned breakfast burritos to homeless people that were out and about.  It was really neat to take a minute to meet them, shake their hands, wish them a Merry Christmas, and let them know that God hadn't forgotten them.  We were able to pray with a couple of the people.  It was really special and we will definitely do that again next year.

That afternoon we spent time having a birthday party for Jesus and playing with new Christmas toys! 

Seth told me "but Jesus isn't here to blow out his candles, so we can"!

Christmas evening we went to my parents' house for a delicious Christmas dinner, prepared by good old Uncle Nate.  It was really fun to see Haley and Abby working so hard to crack crab legs and to watch Seth try and pick out the meat!  After dinner we did gifts and then flopped around the living room and watched Elf. 

Christmas Festivities

We have partaken (partook?) in some fun Christmas festivities over the last couple weeks, but it's been so busy I haven't blogged about it.  I thought I'd roll it all into one post, pretty much just because it's WAY past my bed time!

The first one was, of course, decorating the Christmas tree.  This year, Haley was the star decorator, continuing to add ornaments and adjust them long after everyone else was done.

We had a lot of fun going to a Christmas event that one of the local churches hosted, including a 50's diner, live Bethlehem village, a hay-ride, puppet show, bounce houses and a petting zoo.  The Bethlehem village was really neat and all three kids loved signing the census and making their own dreidels.  Seth immediately wanted to leave, though, once a group of Roman soldiers came through shouting "hail Ceaser"!

You can kind of see Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus behind the girls.

The hay ride was a big hit with the wee Webbers!

 I think one of our favorite Christmas traditions is making gingerbread houses.  Uncle Nate (my little brother) always makes some great houses for us to decorate, and this year was no exception.  In fact, this year, not only did he make house but he made dog houses, a church, a school house (complete with bell tower) and a manger.  We had such a great time decorating.  I don't have pictures but I actually managed to make a tether-ball in the school yard, and it's still standing, along with the flag that Laura made and the basketball hoop that Nate made!

This is the roof of the manger, which Haley decorated!

Abby spent a long time making a Santa to go on the roof of her house!

A new thing that we tried was making some Christmas gifts.  I found a recipe for birdseed ornaments, so last night Carey and I helped (hardly at all, actually) as the kids made a mess and some fun birdseed ornaments (of which I don't have pictures of the finished product)!